take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
