so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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