You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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