this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
