You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
