dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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