That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize