we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
