I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
