How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
