It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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