And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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