I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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