Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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