Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
