I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize