i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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