If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
