the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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