with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
