he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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