i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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