dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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