i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
