How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
