Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
