I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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