cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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