I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
