Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
