Will you blow on my dice?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
