Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
