garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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