Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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