Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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