so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
