Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
A bitchslap is in order.
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