Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
