Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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