The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
