Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
