If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
