elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
