hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize