You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
