did you get engaged???
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
