I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When are your genitals available?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
