I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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