I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
