Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
