I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I will be naked everywhere
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
