I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I smell like Dick and happiness
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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