May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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