just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
