fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
