yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i think im in europe. pls send help
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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