Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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