I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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